I've just read a few of the latest installments of some friends' blogs, the same friends who started teaching when I did, wrote collectively with me on a few projects, introduced me to the blogging sphere and continue to teach as I do. Reading their blogs, I feel like they are propelling forward, upward and in one case westward (to the UK, Surrey I believe, where Harry Potter lives :) ) whilst I just seem to complain, feel negative and wish the holidays would roll around again. Have I lost my motivation? Or was it taken from me? Dragged out of me through incessant criticism, manipulation and outright bullying? Why do I always end up in a battle with my principal- Because they're female? Unmarried? Unhappy? At times I remember how eager and motivated I was when I began teaching and 60 percent of the time I still feel that way. In fact, I frequently comment how much I love my job; Being creative, flexible, myself, positive and interacting with children and young adults. But I truly have let these leaders get to me. I really can't blame them entirely as I have positioned myself at times and they have just jumped at the opportunity to put someone in their place.
A couple of friends who both began teaching last year are so happy, like I used to be. One commented that his principal would never treat her staff like that etc etc and that he is so happy and loves working with the kids and having fun. That's how I want to be again. That's how I was. I truly believe that I just haven't found the right school for me yet. I worked with some of the most amazing people who I now consider friends and would be willing to endure all of this torment over again just to have met them along the way. However, I know it is time to look again. To find a new school, a fresh start, a connection to something that I value and that is important to me. I was always the person who said that I wouldn't work at the schools that I went to as a child and teenager. Yet I have changed. I want to work at my old primary school because I have such a connection to it. I want to do that bit extra to support the school, stay back late to run after school programs, volunteer to sell tickets at the Art Show or rehearse the school production. I want to make myself invaluable, helpful, the person that they are so pleased they employed. I want to be friends with everyone and walk comfortably into the staffroom or the office or the school buildings. I want them to remember the person that I was when I was at school- confident, knowledgeable, helpful, positive... someone who had a big future ahead of them.
Of late I have let myself down. I have allowed others to influence my thinking and my actions. In the next six weeks I want to "rise" above all that. Become a positive person. Try not to be so sarcastic and pessimistic. I want to volunteer for things and suggest ideas without feeling frightened. But these things can wait until I'm at the right school supported by people who are caring and part of my community. I'm going to give something back to MY community. The one that means so much to me. This then correlates with my husband and my belief that work is work and family is family and there must be enough time for both. I want to LOVE what I'm doing again. I will work on being a team player, a giver, a sharer, a happy person, a great teacher... myself again.
I feel really motivated and excited now! I can break out of this empty shell and claim my true spirit back again. Yeehaa!
That makes me happy...
Mx
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1 comment:
M it does seem like a change is in order to become happy again- sometimes this is the best thing. I think there are many schools out there that are soul destroying. It is hard to find a school that builds you up and challenges you and supports you. They are out there though and you deserve that. Let me know how it all works out. Good Luck xoxo
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